The Kabul Night…

I was in the darkest of my days
lost and lonely
adrift within my bed.

Full was the moon.

The snow…
Iridescent.

This was another Kabul night.

The gas heater hardly kept me warm as I slept
Shivering as I was in the merciless winter cold
I was in a deep dreamless sleep
when death knocked upon my door.

Poison began to fill my lungs.
I was breathing heavy and sinking deep
drugged and dragged by death’s steely touch.

It could have been a painless end
but something happened that very instant
Was it a voice that called my name?
Was it a hand that shook me up?

My head was numb as I opened my eyes
The walls spun in the moon light
My throat was dry
I choked and coughed
I could not shout for help.

I felt like sliding into an abysmal hole
Did I wake up only to see it end?

My thoughts failed as I raised my face
to receive the final fateful punch
when suddenly a voice screamed inside my head
“run, Run, Run”….

And I ran.

I opened my door
dashed down the stairs
and all I remember was knocking on a door.

A day later
when I came around
I was pale and alive in a hospital bed.

Whenever I think of that fateful night
I remember the hand
I remember the voice
I thank the One who watched over me
Even in the darkest of my days.

——————————

Brainwaves: digital art by ashok

Brainwaves: digital art by ashok

[This was a real life – near death experience I had in December 2004. I was stationed in Kabul , Afghanistan after the war . Those were dark days without electricity and we had to depend on Propane Gas heaters as temperatures dropped below zero. One fateful night, my heater leaked and the poisonous gas filled the room. Usually, it’s a slow death for a sleeping person. But miraculously I managed to wake up and run out before I collapsed in front of another inmates door. I was rushed to the army hospital and rescued.]

The Summer Night

 

 

 

 

 

 
I walk in circles on my open terrace,
Over the warm terracotta -bare foot.
The night is tepid- winds of furnace;
Summer night – Even the birds are mute.
No sign of rain –the air is dry;
I look up – a cloudless sky.
With no where to hide-the moon is high;
The only riot – the bats that fly.
The mosquitoes menacingly encircle me
Even as the crickets and lizards chant
The town is dark as far as I could see
Powerless, Sleepless- the endless rant…

Awake…

Photo : Nuwara Eliya, Sri Lanka 2004

The City sleeps while I stay awake
On a winter night – It’s half past one;
What do I do for heaven’s sake?
Solitary nights are no more fun.
A mosquito sings on my right ear;
I clap my hands and blow my palm;
The dogs are busy- their growl I hear;
I shut the window to regain my calm.
 
I surf the TV channels in discontent,
From rerun movies to tele-shopping;
Bored with the repeated advertisement,
I grab the remote – more tele-hopping!
What’s in sport? – Let me see – Golf!
Whoever thought that that’s a game?
The other’s showing yachting in Gulf;
My view on that is just the same. 
 
I decide to watch the late night news-
Rape and murder, quakes and flood!
Repeated headlines, views and reviews;
My eyes are already red as blood.
Stocks are falling, they say, the market’s bad;
I turn it off ‘fore I fall into their trap;
The lizard on the wall must think I am mad,
To sit at this hour and watch such crap.

Alone…

Thoughts :digital art by AB


I linger alone in dreams of her,
Be it day or night!
I see her here, I see her there,
I see her everywhere!

Alone I walked this crowded world,
Searching for answers in despair;
At last I’ve found my heart’s beloved;
No one, but for her, I respire.

My mind, once a heath dismal,
Is now a garden in blossom;
I hear the name of my divine damsel
In every thud against my bosom!

She may be far, too far to find-
For her footsteps I hear no more;
But still her Face haunts my mind-
For only her, as a woman, I adore!

She’s the rainbow of my sky!
She’s the sunshine of my life!
She’s my soul’s inner cry!
She’s my music! My Wife!

I loiter alone in dreams of her,
Be it day or night
I see her here, I see her there,
I see her everywhere!

I Wait…

Photo: Kabul 2005

The moon consoles me
But in vain;
And memories give more pain;
With thoughts disdain
Under frozen rain,
I wander in solitary strain.

The gloom of winter
Should of must
Give way to spring!
How like a cuckoo
I wait to sing;
I’ am a coiled spring. . .

Let Me Go…

whirpool -digital art by ashok

If all are born fair and free
Why this darkness everywhere?
This silent noise, this mad spree,
I feel inside is hard to bear;
I strain my eyes but all I see
are blank walls of despair;
Why I fell in this whirlpool?
Who colored my world so grey?
Am I just fate’s tool?
I search for answers all day;
Am I wrong or just a fool?
Give my Life, that’s all I pray;
What I did to creep in bondage?
Let me know, then give the blow;
Why am I to sleep in a cage?
I want flowers, let me go;
Let not sweat, let not blood,
But dew drops cold, wet my brow;
Why in murk I spend my Years?
I am in fetters, I know not why?
No more darkness, no more Tears;
I want to hear the cuckoo’s cry;
No more empty dreams in fears;
I want the sun, I want the sky;

Fishes swim and butterflies fly
And stars twinkle in the high;
So let me go to feast my eye,
I will live my life and die……………

[i wrote this for a school poetry competetion at LOSA’1991…Ofcourse it did’nt win me a prize]